D1 THE LEAGUE OF DREAD
I. THE TRUTH
In East Texas, a child molester is protected by the victim’s family and some local churches and ministries. This is a truth about fear.
“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good,
and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
(James 4:17)
II. SYNOPSIS
This is compiled from the notes of one that has experienced the corruption of some East Texas ministries within its indifferent culture. The divisible parts are mapped by family, ministry, and meta.
III. ENTER
Replacing stolen medicine and his Dad’s release of the burdens of conscience was the desire that became the impetus of his chains. Hypocrisy, betrayal, and corruption had enabled a three day visit to become a three year period of experiencing the nearness of Hell. His tenure in East Texas became a nightmare of crashing expectation.
IV. REASON
The purpose of this abstract is to retain clarity among the direction of content. An abundance of facts can inadvertently shroud the truth. A proclamation should not drown the subject in its telling. If all or most of the facts were not included, then many would use this loophole as a means of protection, gain, or lies. If it sucks to read it, it also sucked to tell it, write it, live it, and generally having it as a part of life.
V. PERCEPTION
This may viewed as a fable for hypocrisy. Indifference and its feigned variations do not exonerate one that allows a lie to shroud the truth. The innocent welcome the light of day while the guilty cringe in shadows. This needless and convoluted melodrama was born out of the failure of three social institutions: family, church, and culture.
VI. DISFIGUREMENT
The family and ministries embarrass themselves because they betray the tenants of their proclaimed Faith. One’s true identity should not be a cruel revelation. The price of their hypocrisy comes at the plundering of his life. It seems plausible that a local Chamber of Commerce would name and define the local culture for a tourist bureau. It is doubtful that they would try to market a city’s culture based on fear, gossip, narcissism, hypocrisy, and the innate ability to scratch an itch despite any situation. There are no cartoons, just stupid people. This has been the League of Dread.
THE LEAGUE OF DREAD
DREAD 1
by REGGIE LANE
LEAGUE OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
D2 META DREAD
I. A VIGILANTE MOMENT
The League of Dread is a Vigilante effort by Vex Theoria. Hypocrisy’s preference is its existence ending in exposure. Operations between defined aspects of law is a common preference of manipulators.
II. ACHTUNG!
Everything stated is true except where noted. Honest men welcome exposure, questions, interrogation, a polygraph test, or any reasonable form of scrutiny that reveals the truth. For the sake of discerning methods, all opposition is welcome to accompany me in a vetting process. Evidence comes in the form of audio recordings, notes, documents, eyewitness accounts, public, police, and medical records. All of this has been written, rewritten and the content became overwhelming.
“The wicked flee when no man pursueth:
but the righteous are bold as a lion.”
(Proverbs 28:1)
III. REALIGNING DREAD
The author was seventy percent finished when the matter was originally pitched to Texas Monthly. Interest was expressed and then he choked. This was his second choke and the succeeding months became a second effort to a vain attempt to finish. This endeavor was outside his preferred expertise. It felt essential to exhibit these matters and our alliance began upon receiving the material. Some essays were rewritten and others were created in accordance with the original sources.
IV. IN DEFINING DREAD
A cultural photograph within a reflective state of today and our world is noted by the distance of falling. An unbound arrogance among the fearful and despised has bred hypocrisy. A diminished integrity, a fading empathy, and human bonding becomes disposable. Our societal institutions are blemished by fear, avarice, and ego are the corruptive agents of various societal institutions. Dread is their common bond, bane, and consequence. Their wielded fear became instilled and lain against this individual. His wish was to prevent others from experiencing this. This occurs in Anderson and Freestone counties in Texas. This is true and this has been The League of Dread.
META DREAD
DREAD 2
by REGGIE LANE
LEAGUE OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
D3 PARADIGMS OF MINISTRY SCAMS
I. MAINTAINING POVERTY
The tenure in Conroe illustrated the basic paradigms of ministry scams. Narcissists are unoriginal in their methods, so too are the ways of dubious ministries. There are variations on the theme, but intent remains the same. The central idea is to use the poor to line pockets and bolster prestige.
II. LOOKING HOLY
You want everyone looking when praised is received. Appearing holy before men does not make sense. Should not our lives be conducted in accordance to the claims of our belief. It should be a fearful thing to mask our intent. After all, does not God know all, see all, is all powerful, and so forth. Against this setting, does not whoring the Gospel to appease one's vanity seem a tad stupid and insane. Prostitution from the pulpit comes in so many forms and the vehicle that transfers them is the lie to the self which enables one to also lie to others and God. If one loved God, they would not break His heart with such things. If one feared God, they would not dare to mar His countenance with mere scams.
III. GOING CULTIC
Looking holy carried to the extreme is looking super holy and that means that someone has gone cultic. There are halfway houses that will take in those that are Faithless or new Believers. Those within a serious walk for a long time are avoided because they can call their bluff. Narcissism may creep into one's thinking, but it is not a perfect delirium. An awareness of the truth still lingers, despite the interior claims of a divided mind. Scripture stands alone and it is not to be mixed with ego and all else.Their hearts may have began in the right place, but without accountability, those hearts drift into corruption. It does not matter if they do or do not admit to awareness, God knows.
It does taint the foundation of new Believers. Should they leave the halfway house, they could easily fall apart without their leader. Unstable foundations allow a drifting faith that becomes the trouble among your steps. The confusion of what is going on is probably lost on them. Narcissism has its own spell and an understanding of the matter will not allow confusion to abound. All of this lies on dangerous ground because idolatry is a two-way street.
The Cultic type usually has some kind of loose network set-up on gossip for the sake of remote control. That is to say that the person will be surrounded by friends of the leader and thus tabs are always placed upon the person. Tabs are there for the sake of reclaiming the convert or punishing the pet for running away.
IV. BANDAGES
The maneuver of applying bandages instead of healing the wound is the poor listing their needs and you fill only some of them. This insures that you will always have an audience and it fulfills purpose. Should they dare to question you, then use the usual excuses of there is no money, the board must approve, I forgot, I was not listening, and so forth. The healed never return and you would lose the leverage of calling them lazy. If one is a narcissist, then the loss of Narcissist Supply occurs as well. In truth, you need complete tools to escape destitution. Love is the best tool and that is a rarity. Money comes second and the greed for that is why love has become the rarity.
V. PROCESS OVER PRODUCT
Another method is to always be in the process of building something. You do not want to finish anything. You just want to remain in the process of building. Others must see these building endeavors because they think that their money is being used wisely and thus they will donate more money. If something is finished, they may not donate because they do not see any work getting done. It is the process, not the product that lures in the money.
VI. DESTITUTION MACHINES
The impoverished and the homeless have become a cottage industry commodity. You do not actually want them to get anywhere, you just want to give them the hope to keep them trying. They are free and cheap labor. They also give the reason for a charity/ministry’s existence. If one does too good of a job, then they all go away because they have lives now. One desires to keep things lukewarm and middle of the road. You always want the donations to keep coming in. Every now and then, someone will be lifted up as a show of the organization’s endeavors. The subject may have a built-in fail-safe so that he will return to poverty. He may be struggling with addiction or anger and without the constant support of the organization, he will sabotage himself into returning to poverty. The donations continue and the organization looks like the victim. They may instill a few new rules or add a few extra hoops to jump through.
PARADIGMS OF MINISTRY SCAMS
DREAD 3
DREAD 3
by SLOAN SAMOAN
LEAGUE OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
MINISTRIES PROTECTING MOLESTER
Ministries made this because they forgot Who they serve. They were either indifferent or they worked against a child molester’s victim, despite having knowledge of that person’s situation. Some on this list had manipulated the person in order to suit their own gain. Some on this list thought that they had got away with something. Truth bares its light.
The tragic thing is that I was only supposed to be in East Texas for about three days. After my family pulled their crap. I was passed along through the ministries. One does not expect things to go from bad to worse, but they do in their hands. Their arrogance and ignorance collide for nothing more than bad decision. These people are beyond selfish and stupid, they are hypocritical. I can honestly say, that because of them and my family, I have lost absolutely everything. Somehow, I doubt if Jesus would have done this.
Please do not come to Anderson County. Please do not give money to these ministries and churches. Your money will be wasted. Do not let them lie to you. Do not experience what I have experienced. I now only have mere existence. That is not life. I would rather be dead. This has been the worst experience of my life. I have my family and those on this list to thank.
Now you know why there are so many atheists in the world. Our lives are to be a model of Christ and falling short is expected. However, to barely try and to get lost within the vanity of the world seems like blasphemy if this is done under the name of God.
1 CAMPUS OF HOPE in Conroe, Texas. Don Johnson.
2 REDEMPTION HOUSE Palestine, Texas.
(Part of BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY MINISTRIES)
David Devereax, Director
ON SITE> X1-6
So much could have been saved if only he lived up to who and what he claimed to be.
Andy Brinks
ON SITE>X1-6. I honestly think that he had been used. Most likely, he is guilty of misplaced trust and all things turn from there. However, I do not know. It was not good to give David total control. I liked his sermons.
3 TRUE VINE DOXA CENTER Fairfield, Texas.
Reverend Mike Daniels
ON SITE>X7. Basically, Mike is another opportunist. One would wonder if he could be charged with possible human trafficking charges.
5 JEHOVAH WITNESS KINGDOM HALL Palestine, Texas.
Darrell Norman, Elder
He had asked Darrell to help him get a job and Darrell’s reply was that he wanted to see him on the street. Darrell fulfills his request to his room mate. The room mate already had a job and a vehicle. Darrell then invites room mate to live on the compound. He spends a month with no heat, no food, no money, and no job. When questioned through text messages. Darrell denies all, tries to cover it up, then threatens to sue. That is funny, sue someone with no money. Darrell has the cowardice that accompanies manipulators. He is a sterling model of moral fortitude in preying upon the poor and desperate. Darrell lives a double life. Perverts are usually overwhelmed by power and that is what makes them perverted. No hypocrisy here. Send him your money.
6 FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH Elkhart, Texas.
Jeffrey Craft, Pastor
In the dead of winter, he denies food and shelter to someone that had grown up in that church. He asked the pastor for help in dealing with the Dad. He was briefed on the matter. He wanted his Dad to talk to a minister and the pastor not only passed the buck, he also informed the Dad and sister of their conversation. You can not reconcile if the other party slanders and runs.
8 HOPE STATION in Palestine, Texas. Brandon Greene, Director
I had hope with Brandon, in fact I had heard many good things. I had written a number of things that would seem beneficial for his use. One of those items is on this site, it is the 'Paradigms of Ministry Scams'. It was my understanding that he was opening a homeless shelter along with a number of things to help the poor and homeless.
We first met at Whataburger one morning. I had been up all night on the laptop and he offered me a ride home. I needed medicine and having my storage paid and Brandon obliged. I had donated 79 articles of clothing, a number of crutches, and a few other items.
By his own admission, he does not listen. That would seem to be a detriment and this was proven correct. A bridge within my teeth had come out and I needed that placed back in. I needed some lotion for my feet because they are in horrible shape. There were also some other toiletries required. I desperately needed a job because they are difficult to get when there is no phone, occasional food, and so forth. Couple this with a bad reputation from the gossip put out by a few prior ministries and the usual assumptions that form gossip. I have become a walking anathema. He did not take a resume because it was over the phone. I doubt if he could tell you what I said. Eventually, one learns when you are being pacified.
It goes back to giving bandages instead of fixing the problem. I also hear different stories concerning the purpose of Hope Station. I thought it was what I had originally stated. Now I do not know. Nevertheless, I did get curious about the documentation, records, and oversight of the place. I have yet to find anything about this and other ministries. I found that to be curious.
11 Pastor Harold Fox in Palestine, Texas.
Harold did a lot. Picked me up at the motel when the mad prophet abandoned me. Took me to get the pick-up and the storage unit. Got me motel rooms. Gave money. He even went to go talk to my Dad. It is doubtful if the point was made. I had called him a few other times and I came to the conclusion that he bought Dad's propaganda about being on drugs. Evidence means nothing. However, such human things are excusable. In truth, possibly 8, then 9, 10, & 11 I would not deem as bad ministries at all. I do wonder about including them here since it is surrounded by so many bad things.
12 Debbie Swift in Palestine, Texas.
I really did not want to put her on here. Please note that I only list my experiences with her and all of these ministries. No rumor, gossip, and second-hand information is included. In essence, after being tossed aside by the ministries, I lived at a local fast-food place. In fact, that place and those people were amazing. I did develop endemia while staying there. The reason being is that the food combined with being unable to properly sleep. One is more apt to sleep sitting down. It was not just her, but others knew I was there.
She did offer work and never follow through. I went to church with her and her family when she preached and I was referenced in the sermon. Maybe I am being too critical, I do not know, I just felt a bit used by this. I remain gun-shy about the churches. None of these folks seem to get that I have been seriously rattled. I have done nothing but lose everything since I have been here and I am supposed to be happy. I think not. In fact, my situation should have been easy to fix. I had a stable employment and rental history. I had a good credit record. I am not lazy, I have ambition, university, no criminal record, no addictions save cigarettes. It seems like I would be easy to fix.
In truth, possibly 8, then 9, 10, & 11 I would not deem as bad ministries at all. I do wonder about including them here since it is surrounded by so many bad things. They are included in the following lists simply because those matters are true. I am coming to believe that the Matthew 18:15-30 is simply viewed as something antique and quaint. It is culture over-riding faith. That is not good.
II.
There is more coming.
What has happened to me is not uncommon. This is a growing trend among white families that has yet to surface on the morning news shows. It is nothing more than narcissist families revealing their true nature. They believe that they can get away with these things. For the most part, they are correct. In narcissist families, there is always the scapegoat and that member is viewed as less than human. All of these matters occur away from the eyes of others and this is why they can disown one of their own. There is a setting for this to occur and it is usually when the disowned is at the lowest ebb.
II. VIKINGS
IV. EL-GATO THROUGH THE DOORS OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
D4 MINISTRIES PROTECTING MOLESTER
The tragic thing is that I was only supposed to be in East Texas for about three days. After my family pulled their crap. I was passed along through the ministries. One does not expect things to go from bad to worse, but they do in their hands. Their arrogance and ignorance collide for nothing more than bad decision. These people are beyond selfish and stupid, they are hypocritical. I can honestly say, that because of them and my family, I have lost absolutely everything. Somehow, I doubt if Jesus would have done this.
Please do not come to Anderson County. Please do not give money to these ministries and churches. Your money will be wasted. Do not let them lie to you. Do not experience what I have experienced. I now only have mere existence. That is not life. I would rather be dead. This has been the worst experience of my life. I have my family and those on this list to thank.
Now you know why there are so many atheists in the world. Our lives are to be a model of Christ and falling short is expected. However, to barely try and to get lost within the vanity of the world seems like blasphemy if this is done under the name of God.
2 REDEMPTION HOUSE Palestine, Texas.
(Part of BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY MINISTRIES)
David Devereax, Director
ON SITE> X1-6
So much could have been saved if only he lived up to who and what he claimed to be.
Andy Brinks
ON SITE>X1-6. I honestly think that he had been used. Most likely, he is guilty of misplaced trust and all things turn from there. However, I do not know. It was not good to give David total control. I liked his sermons.
3 TRUE VINE DOXA CENTER Fairfield, Texas.
Reverend Mike Daniels
ON SITE>X7. Basically, Mike is another opportunist. One would wonder if he could be charged with possible human trafficking charges.
4 DEE KRUSE & ANGIE
living at Lake Richland-Chambers, Texas.
(Affiliates or part of REDEMPTION HOUSE, PRISON MINISTRY)
ON SITE>X8. Assisted by Brenda Finley.These gems are also on the site. This manipulator duo basically uses ex-cons as tools to manipulate. According to neighbors, they had borrowed money from their next door neighbors and never paid them back. Naturally, the neighbor was an injured firefighter. These women are in prison ministry.
5 JEHOVAH WITNESS KINGDOM HALL Palestine, Texas.
Darrell Norman, Elder
He had asked Darrell to help him get a job and Darrell’s reply was that he wanted to see him on the street. Darrell fulfills his request to his room mate. The room mate already had a job and a vehicle. Darrell then invites room mate to live on the compound. He spends a month with no heat, no food, no money, and no job. When questioned through text messages. Darrell denies all, tries to cover it up, then threatens to sue. That is funny, sue someone with no money. Darrell has the cowardice that accompanies manipulators. He is a sterling model of moral fortitude in preying upon the poor and desperate. Darrell lives a double life. Perverts are usually overwhelmed by power and that is what makes them perverted. No hypocrisy here. Send him your money.
6 FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH Elkhart, Texas.
Jeffrey Craft, Pastor
In the dead of winter, he denies food and shelter to someone that had grown up in that church. He asked the pastor for help in dealing with the Dad. He was briefed on the matter. He wanted his Dad to talk to a minister and the pastor not only passed the buck, he also informed the Dad and sister of their conversation. You can not reconcile if the other party slanders and runs.
7 FREEDOM FELLOWSHIP CHURCH
in Palestine, Texas. Marty Bellone.
ON SITE>X-9..
ON SITE>X-9..
8 HOPE STATION in Palestine, Texas. Brandon Greene, Director
I had hope with Brandon, in fact I had heard many good things. I had written a number of things that would seem beneficial for his use. One of those items is on this site, it is the 'Paradigms of Ministry Scams'. It was my understanding that he was opening a homeless shelter along with a number of things to help the poor and homeless.
We first met at Whataburger one morning. I had been up all night on the laptop and he offered me a ride home. I needed medicine and having my storage paid and Brandon obliged. I had donated 79 articles of clothing, a number of crutches, and a few other items.
By his own admission, he does not listen. That would seem to be a detriment and this was proven correct. A bridge within my teeth had come out and I needed that placed back in. I needed some lotion for my feet because they are in horrible shape. There were also some other toiletries required. I desperately needed a job because they are difficult to get when there is no phone, occasional food, and so forth. Couple this with a bad reputation from the gossip put out by a few prior ministries and the usual assumptions that form gossip. I have become a walking anathema. He did not take a resume because it was over the phone. I doubt if he could tell you what I said. Eventually, one learns when you are being pacified.
It goes back to giving bandages instead of fixing the problem. I also hear different stories concerning the purpose of Hope Station. I thought it was what I had originally stated. Now I do not know. Nevertheless, I did get curious about the documentation, records, and oversight of the place. I have yet to find anything about this and other ministries. I found that to be curious.
9 GLOBAL HEART INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES in Fairfield, Texas.
Bubba Rutherford, Brenda Finley
ON SITE>X7 & X8. Their stuff seems minor.
ON SITE>X7 & X8. Their stuff seems minor.
10 EVANGELISTIC TEMPLE in Palestine, Texas.
They got me a room a few times and paid for prescription, which is a good thing. They did not care for me running into a stranger and letting him have the other bed. I was not using it, so I did not see the problem. No verbal clause had been presented. What would Jesus do? The did not pick me up from the motel on the second time I got the room.
I just wanted someone to listen to the whole story. My problem did not fit the usual paradigm of going to this or that mission/halfway house/ whatever. I have become gun-shy about Christian anything. In essence, minor stuff.
They got me a room a few times and paid for prescription, which is a good thing. They did not care for me running into a stranger and letting him have the other bed. I was not using it, so I did not see the problem. No verbal clause had been presented. What would Jesus do? The did not pick me up from the motel on the second time I got the room.
I just wanted someone to listen to the whole story. My problem did not fit the usual paradigm of going to this or that mission/halfway house/ whatever. I have become gun-shy about Christian anything. In essence, minor stuff.
11 Pastor Harold Fox in Palestine, Texas.
Harold did a lot. Picked me up at the motel when the mad prophet abandoned me. Took me to get the pick-up and the storage unit. Got me motel rooms. Gave money. He even went to go talk to my Dad. It is doubtful if the point was made. I had called him a few other times and I came to the conclusion that he bought Dad's propaganda about being on drugs. Evidence means nothing. However, such human things are excusable. In truth, possibly 8, then 9, 10, & 11 I would not deem as bad ministries at all. I do wonder about including them here since it is surrounded by so many bad things.
12 Debbie Swift in Palestine, Texas.
I really did not want to put her on here. Please note that I only list my experiences with her and all of these ministries. No rumor, gossip, and second-hand information is included. In essence, after being tossed aside by the ministries, I lived at a local fast-food place. In fact, that place and those people were amazing. I did develop endemia while staying there. The reason being is that the food combined with being unable to properly sleep. One is more apt to sleep sitting down. It was not just her, but others knew I was there.
She did offer work and never follow through. I went to church with her and her family when she preached and I was referenced in the sermon. Maybe I am being too critical, I do not know, I just felt a bit used by this. I remain gun-shy about the churches. None of these folks seem to get that I have been seriously rattled. I have done nothing but lose everything since I have been here and I am supposed to be happy. I think not. In fact, my situation should have been easy to fix. I had a stable employment and rental history. I had a good credit record. I am not lazy, I have ambition, university, no criminal record, no addictions save cigarettes. It seems like I would be easy to fix.
In truth, possibly 8, then 9, 10, & 11 I would not deem as bad ministries at all. I do wonder about including them here since it is surrounded by so many bad things. They are included in the following lists simply because those matters are true. I am coming to believe that the Matthew 18:15-30 is simply viewed as something antique and quaint. It is culture over-riding faith. That is not good.
II.
1 IGNORING MATTHEW 18:15-20
1-10, 12. All of the ministries ignored this Biblical application. Harold Fox is not included because he did make an effort and visited my Dad.
2 TURNING A BLIND EYE & NOT LISTENING
1-12 All of the ministries.
3 PROTECTING A CHILD MOLESTER
1-12 All of the ministries.
4 APPLYING BANDAGES INSTEAD OF SOLVING THE PROBLEM
1-12 All of the ministries.
5 SOFT ABDUCTION
1 Campus of Hope
2 Redemption House
3 True Vine Doxa Center
4 Dee Kruse & Angie
6 TOOK TRUCK & REFUSED TO GIVE IT BACK
1 Dee Kruse & Angie
2 Brenda Finley
2 Brenda Finley
7 PROMISED WORK & NEVER DELIVERED
1 Debbie Swift
8 DEVELOPED ENDEMIA WHILE THEY TURNED A BLIND EYE
1 Debbie Swift
9 PROMISED TO FIX TRUCK & NEVER DELIVERED
1 Redemption House
10 AN OBVIOUS GUILTY CONSCIENCE & /OR FEAR WHEN THEY SEE ME
1 Debbie Swift - Actually, this is not a bad thing because it illustrates that hope remains.
11 FEAR BASED BEHAVIOR-PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
1-12 All of the ministries.
8 DEVELOPED ENDEMIA WHILE THEY TURNED A BLIND EYE
1 Debbie Swift
9 PROMISED TO FIX TRUCK & NEVER DELIVERED
1 Redemption House
10 AN OBVIOUS GUILTY CONSCIENCE & /OR FEAR WHEN THEY SEE ME
1 Debbie Swift - Actually, this is not a bad thing because it illustrates that hope remains.
11 FEAR BASED BEHAVIOR-PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
1-12 All of the ministries.
There is more coming.
This is the League of Dread.
MINISTRIES PROTECTING MOLESTER
DREAD 4
by REGGIE LANE
by REGGIE LANE
LEAGUE OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
D5 THE FAMILY MIRROR
What has happened to me is not uncommon. This is a growing trend among white families that has yet to surface on the morning news shows. It is nothing more than narcissist families revealing their true nature. They believe that they can get away with these things. For the most part, they are correct. In narcissist families, there is always the scapegoat and that member is viewed as less than human. All of these matters occur away from the eyes of others and this is why they can disown one of their own. There is a setting for this to occur and it is usually when the disowned is at the lowest ebb.
Objectivity is not prized because the local culture runs on ease, gossip, and drama. Integrity and meaning are claimed to be prized traits but hypocrisy abounds. That is why I trust cops. Cops are trained to observe the facts, to remain in a neutral stance and assimilate the information. In seeking a decision, they take into account the evidence before them and how their mind, heart, and intuition react. They notice behavior and body language. It is innate for them to seek to do the right thing and all of this must be done within an instant. The average citizen does not have the natural talents or the training of the police.
I have pleaded with my family to abide by the tenants of what they claim to believe. This would be Matthew 18:15-20 and this is how Believers are supposed to resolve their differences. They must go before other Believers. They declined on the matter just as they declined on speaking to a judge, a counselor, and so forth. They do not want to be subjected to scrutiny or any sort of authority. Liars
know the hands that they play.
As long as none are looking, they believe themselves to be invincible. The children of such families are trained to tolerate such nonsense. When others glance over, narcissists shy away from their demeaning manners. Narcissists are divided minds that at once love and fear themselves. Their boasts are grand and manly, yet their facades quickly fold when challenged. This has become a trend in white families because of our day and age is a product of the world that we live in.
The United States has become a narcissist factory, a production line for the insanely vain and the pathologically self-centered. This is fostered by the engulfing of technology and electronic media. It fosters a detachment and an unreal quality to some matters. It enables us to live our lives in our heads and existence itself seems to become a matter of theory. The nation whose populace lives their lives in their heads is one that it is isolated, alone, and desperately afraid. The narcissist does not grasp the fact that every thought that enters their head is not their own to possess. A human being is not the sum of all of his thoughts, but rather the thoughts that he chooses to keep.
THE FAMILY MIRROR
DREAD 5
THE LEAGUE OF DREAD
_________________________________________________________________________________
D6 A DEFT AND BREATHLESS DREAD
"Herein is our love made perfect,
that we may have boldness in the day of judgment:
because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casteth out fear:
because fear hath torment.
He that feareth is not made perfect in love."
(1 John 4:17-18)
I. AN HOUR OF DREAD
Fear has been a favorite subject for a number of years. This coincided with my slide down into the human condition. It is notable how such matters fell in place. If memory serves, this began with the above verses from First John. This was followed by Skrep sending me some audio books of Malcolm Gladwell and "The Fiftieth Law" by Robert Green and Fifty-Cent. All of these are remarkable books. It is "The Fiftieth Law" that became propulsion. It is about power and the first rule of power is to get over your fear of death. I am restraining myself from details for the sake of focus. I listened to this over and over for two weeks. I was blatant and bullet proof. The verve is uncanny and now is the time to dote on fear.
Fear has been a favorite subject for a number of years. This coincided with my slide down into the human condition. It is notable how such matters fell in place. If memory serves, this began with the above verses from First John. This was followed by Skrep sending me some audio books of Malcolm Gladwell and "The Fiftieth Law" by Robert Green and Fifty-Cent. All of these are remarkable books. It is "The Fiftieth Law" that became propulsion. It is about power and the first rule of power is to get over your fear of death. I am restraining myself from details for the sake of focus. I listened to this over and over for two weeks. I was blatant and bullet proof. The verve is uncanny and now is the time to dote on fear.
The worst thing that my family could have done to me became the best thing for me. I suffered greatly by their display of true pale colors. However, they accomplished the opposite of their desire. The suffering made me stronger and that came from having a deeper walk with Mighty Love Himself. If their desire was to silence me or anything of that nature, it comes to naught. It bolsters me to be more blatant and daring. After all, in giving me nothing to live for, I found a liberty in its repose. I have nothing to lose and I do not mind dying. In fact, death is anticipated in the sense that I want a good death. A good death would hearken to our Norwegian ancestry and that means a Viking perspective. It is good to die trying.
II. VIKINGS
A legend among the Vikings begins with a regiment led by a woman. They are on a beach and an armada of ships is approaching. They are hopelessly outnumbered and the woman motions for her men to remain on shore while she wades into the sea. The ships loom closer and she waits. They get close enough for sure visibility and she pulls her tunic down to expose a breast. She holds her breast for a moment, draws her sword, and slices the breast from her body. This rattles the invading navy and they leave. You can not battle crazy.
Crazy can be good strategy. Look at the Viking Beserkers who were probably high and fighting naked. Aside from the warpaint and being naked, it was the fact that they had no problem in running with every emotion that flowed through them during battle. Painted, naked, and shifting through the emotional palette could rattle anyone. It is a strategy that has been used by hormonal women everywhere. Women are not the weaker sex, just different.
III. THE DICHOTOMY OF FEAR
Fear is a reactive measure that appears as a self-fulfilling prophecy because fear itself is a flaw of perception. One's decisions are reactive and what you seek to accomplish becomes a fulfilling of dread. You do not unintentionally accomplish the inverse of your desire, your desire has always been failure because fear itself is a destroyer. A reactive measure forms a reactive consequence. It is as if duel minds battle themselves and one wonders why they are always the victim when they are alone. A reactive measure is not creative. Your end result is an embodied copy of the original dread. The stupidity of the matter is that you actually worked for failure. The problem with fear is that it is a blinding aspect. A settling of bedlam unveils a true clarity. Within the ashes of your propounded dream, one bares witness to the ease of defeat. Kicking yourself for stupidity is allowable here.
It has been stated that ninety-six percent of our fears never come true. If language is what interprets reality to our brains, then fearful people exists in ugly worlds. Fear is a limited aspect that accompanies the faulty assumption that others also live in this manner. Love has no true opposite, but fear is close. If love is the essence of good then fear is the essence of evil. The problem with evil is its lack of originality. Good can exist without evil but evil can not exist without good because evil is a reactive gesture that stems from a corrupt and imitative nature. Orson Welles remarked about the banality of evil. The rarity of evil is that it is seldom like the movies. It takes originality to be distinct and foreboding like the horror movies. Evil rarely exhibits such a clever display because of the difficulty with straight thinking.
IV. EL-GATO THROUGH THE DOORS OF DREAD
I am not a 'pet' person. My Dad and brother are very good with animals. On more than one occasion I seriously desired that we were not all at odds with one another because I could have really used their advice. However, I began to doctor this stray cat. It was famous in that neighborhood because it was so fearful. You notice fear in cats because it fires the anal glands and everything smells like a fart retaining state and stability for far too long. Cats are already fearful creatures and that cat was the most fearful of cats. I began to love that cat.
I named the cat 'El-Gato'. It is a Spanish word that means 'the cat'. I figured that the cat needed butching up and Espanoel can butch a lot of things up. We were two straight men living together and we did not want anyone to think otherwise.
These fallow years have been trauma. Me having PTSD had been noted on many occasions and that note remained in a retrievable corner. I realize that things must get out of your system and a certain apprehension lingered about this matter. I had heard stories and read about the contagion aspect of fear. That cat's fear infected me and this was shocking. The cat and I had some brutal fights and I was ashamed of my behavior. I could not make sense of its possession. Our relationship had a schizoid quality to it. I have never been a cruel person and that cat's fear would drastically affect my behavior.
Trauma was coming out of me and this was its vessel of manifest. I am glad that I am not taking it out on a person. I am not crazy about taking it out on any living thing. I realize that Christ was talking about people when the verse is stated about what you do unto the least of these, you do also unto me. However, I did associate the verse with that cat. That animal was the least and if anyone should understand about being treated like an inferior, then it would be me. God help me.
And He did.
My room mate and I had to move and I promised the cat that I would return. I finally did retrieve him. It was touching that he remembered me. He had been ravaged that he made me ache. I love that creature and it is obvious that love is returned. I come home at night and he meets me in the road to walk the rest of the way home. He comes looking for me when he is lonely or wanting attention. There are no fights anymore. The shit that those bastards in the ministry did to me is gone. El-Gato is not my pet, but my friend.
In time and in another tale, I acquired kittens. The point of this is that I had never raised anything from birth. I doted on those kittens like I do all babies. It did not matter that I handled them a few days after birth. I helped Jacob the cat and she did not mind. Those kittens were raised in love and that is obvious. Those kittens are fearless.
Fear may be the only sin that will get you in Hell. You have been in a wayward place and this is the League of Dread.
A DEFT AND BREATHLESS DREAD
DREAD 6
LEAGUE OF DREAD
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